THE MUMBLINGS OF ADAM VOITH
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ADULTS ONLY
Sunday, Dec. 09, 2001 @ 11:00 pm

Sometime a few months ago, my email address made it into the realm of porno spam. Iíve got no idea who sold the list with my name on it, but you gotta go easy on whatever company did it. Tough economic times, right?

Iíve come to appreciate the subject lines of these emails. A quick laugh to be had:

FREE teenies nibbling on my (****) like a rat does cheese
Big Poles And Tiny Holes!
I'M FEELING FRISKY
Kinky Schoolgirls
Nude In Public - Mondo Porn
Tiny Babes - Biggest Boobs
Girlfriends who go the distance!

Now this last oneÖ This last one was sneaky.

You see, I donít open the messages. I read the subject, notice that itís porn related (quickly, as Iím smart and perceptive!), and delete it. But sometimes, the sender gets tricky.

Sometimes the sender tries something new. Itíll be a subject that reads only ďRe:Ē, an attempt to fool me into believing that Iíd sent hotrodupinya@hotmail.com a message and Iíve been eagerly awaiting the reply.

Now and again, Iíll open a message that seems legit, maybe a question that could potentially apply to business like: Did you receive the offer?. Iíll open the message and quickly realize that this offer, with giant fake boobs filling the entire body of the message, is not for me, but for thousands of dirty old men, at their keyboards late at night!

This particular subject line almost fooled me. Girlfriends that go the distance!Ö For a brief moment I thought that someone had started up the perfect start-up. Finally some brilliant entrepreneur was supplying fragile boys and men with women that wouldnít dump them, girlfriends that stick around. Somehow, this brilliant entrepreneurís list still had my name on it. This genius of commerce and happiness had not yet heard about my wedding, and thought I still might be in the game.

Here was my thought process: Iíll open this message. Iíll reply to this person, and share my insights, because I love this business and only wish itíd been around when I was a teenager looking for love. I double click, excited to congratulate this soon-to-be captain of industry. I double click, and BLAM: big, fake, nasty boobs.

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