THE MUMBLINGS OF ADAM VOITH
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OPEN LETTER TO GENERATIONCHURCH.COM
Saturday, Apr. 20, 2002 @ 2:18 am

Dear generationchurch.com,

I saw your 2:00am infomercial tonight on the television and am so happy to learn that your ministry is teaching kids that the love of Jesus is like "waking up and finding out you own all of Hawaii". That is fantastic news! I liked what that white kid with the braces and the afro said about how the presence of God is “like everything you never could figure out before.” Amazing!

Your preacher acts just like Jack on Will & Grace. Have you seen that show? It's about a very normal gay guy who has a friend that’s this fruity gay guy (that's Jack, who your pastor kinda acts like). There's also a frigid bitch obviously in love with Will but pretending she’s cool without getting it from him. The best is this other lush woman with gigantic boobs that totally cracks me up. Your church looks like a good time. How often do you film the services for infomercials?

From the impressive display of audio/visual aids you incorporate into your message of peace, I can only assume that your youth group is the best youth group in the Northwest. I saw that one clip where the whole fucking group - what like two or three hundred kids, right? – the whole fucking youth group went up for the alter call! God’s hand is truly on you in these troubled times.

I noticed on your website a link to something called “GC Cells” but the link was inactive or broken or something. Please put in a work order to your webmaster. If these “cells” are anything like I think they might be (covert action? Camouflage clothing? Hot teenagers in camping gear during the hot summer?) please send me further information. These “cells” might best suit me as I’m maybe a bit too old for youth group, and also I enjoy watching The West Wing on Wednesday nights and will therefore be unable to attend your revivals.

God walk with you and make you Kings of Men,

Adam Voith

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