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Thursday, Jun. 06, 2002 @ 2:27 am

Often when I look at the stats for this site, I visit the pages that are listed as having referred folks in this direction. Not too long ago, this turned up a particular weblog (I’ve forgotten the address) containing links to other weblogs, one of them leading to this site. A short description accompanied each link in order to justify sending people. The short description for the link to this site said something like: "He watches too much television, but sometimes writes funny things."

I do write a hell of a lot of stuff down about television, which probably means I like a lot of television. Tonight my wife and I sat through three dating shows in a row. We like to yell at the screen.

But now, at 2:30am, I'm having second thoughts. My wife had fallen asleep on the couch. I'd been working late at the computer and decided it was time to close my eyes lest they melt right the hell out of their sockets.

I left the office and headed toward the living room to wake my wife. There was an infomercial on the television about revolutionary hair-transplantation techniques. I'm not losing much hair yet, but I watched for a few minutes before waking up my wife with a careful nudge. "Hey," I said quietly so as not to fully jolt her from her slumber. Just loud enough to get her to walk I said: "Wanna go lay down in bed now?"

She's up and taking drowsy steps toward the bedroom. She's mumbling about a dream, which is a pretty common occurrence. They're usually quite impressive collages of random happenings, associations and old shitty jobs. Usually there's a guy hitting on her, and this time it was the guy from that new VH1 late-night interview show.

I'm making the covers right and fluffing a pillow while my wife continues connecting dots I can't even see as she spins back her memory of her recent family room dream.

AND THEN: "Yeah, and everyone was getting hair transplants. You were getting one, Tom and Amy had gotten them, and everyone kept telling me how great these new hair transplants were for them and they kept telling me I need to get one…”

Like a siphon, the human brain sucks in the words from that horrid box, the sales pitches and the sex scenes and probably the hidden evil subplots, too!

And so to the kind person who linked to this site noting the drawback regarding my television watching habits: I must say that I'm sorry. I took offense to your critique, when clearly I should have listened!

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