THE MUMBLINGS OF ADAM VOITH
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THE SOLUTION TO ROCK PROFIT WOES
Wednesday, Jun. 12, 2002 @ 1:52 am

OH MY GOD, the same Britney Spears audience members that were in the crowd the other night when I watched Carson Daily are back! But this time, they're rocking out with smiles to this other band. The problem is, I think I actually like the band tonight. Although, I heard someone saying last week that they're a boy band in their homeland, put together by a manager that understood Beatles Backbeat but liked to think more about the money of Backstreet.

The problem is that my current sleeping schedule allows the hours of 12:00 midnight to 4:00 in the morning to be devoted to finishing up the editing of a novel I've been trying to pretend like I'm going to finish for three years. I'm up late, in the family room in front of the laptop, and the television is on for background noise and (sometimes) inspiration (gasp!). At 1:30am, Carson Daily tells me that this next group is one of his favorite bands.

Ladies and Gentleman: --- -----!

So if I've got to sit in front of this computer in front of this television, I'm going to at least attempt to do something productive. I'm going to work for the greater good. I'm going to help my brother. I'm going to give a damn!

As we all know, the music industry is in deep shit. Profits are down, shelf life for a hit is shorter than a sitcom's season, and the actual sounds on new records are shitty 90% of the time. A crisis!

I've done some thinking on the problem, and I'm here to offer the solution. Note that I did not say "a" solution, or "some" suggestions. This is "the" solution. Listen up!

TAKE ROCK MUSIC OFF OF TELEVISION. All of it. No more music videos, no more late night appearances, no more commercial backgrounds. Remove rock music from television, fire all managers, A&R reps, and booking agents and give their paychecks to the bands. Cut your payroll, stop your advertising campaigns, bury your ugly-ass marketing schemes and put out rock and roll records you sick bastards! I'm here in front of the television and I cannot allow you to continue with this madness.

. . . . . . .

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