THE MUMBLINGS OF ADAM VOITH
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SEARCH LIGHTS FOR HOT DOUGHNUTS
Friday, May. 23, 2003 @ 12:55 am

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Celebrate the death of Ernie Baxter!
Adam Voith on tour opening for Damien Jurado reading from his new book.
Click here for the West Coast dates!
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Note to the dude I met in Brooklyn/NYC from Australia:

Are you reading this? If so, you've got to drop me a line. Does anyone know a skinny guy in black t-shirt, sleeves ripped off, black stringy hair? He's from Australia. I think he told me he was a model, and while he was a fine lookin' cat, you'd never have guessed it. Australian dude, where are you?

I bet you don't know what Krispy Kreme Doughnuts mean. Did anyone tell you about it while you were here? The day their stock went public, I heard a talking head on the news joking about how that offering alone might just be the boost the US economy needs.

Right now it's 20 minutes after midnight in Seattle and there are search lights overhead bouncing off the clouds. Their source: the new Krisy Kreme building on 125th and Aurora. It's here in the neighborhood, fucking up traffic. It's only been open a few days, grand smash hit again for the Kreme, and I've driven by several times on my way to here or there. The line of people waiting to get in runs out the door and around the building. The cars in the drive-thru curl around a giant parking lot then split into four mini lines that then funnel to the ordering speaker. They've got cops directing traffic, and no one leaves with less than a two dozen. Their stocking up, bringing home enough evidence to tell their friends: “Guess what weeeeee’ve got?” Women stand with strollers in the rain, the risk of their children catching a cold no match for the power of the Kreme. Pure madness.

I'll admit that Krisy Kreme makes some damn good doughnuts. There's a giant neon sign (they call it "The Hot Light") and when that fucker is lit, watch out! The things melt in your mouth, I swear to God. Believe me, each time I've driven by, I've peeked to see if there might be a lull, a moment for me to get in there and get down on some hots. But so far, the line has been stronger than my patience and I've rolled on by or headed two blocks down to the Ma and Pop stop called Aurora Donuts.

Not as good, no question, but I figure the couple that owns it is already digging for a way out of their lease. "The Hot Light" is sure to put Aurora Donuts under in a matter of weeks. While the Pop was ringing me up, some asshole poked his head in the door and yelled out "Krispy Kreme Rules!", then headed toward the winding line two blocks away. You could see that the punk's words actually hurt the owner of Aurora Donuts. It was a depressing scene. Modern Dickens maybe. I bought an extra few from him, a last stale hurrah, and left a tip.

The line will soon thin at the Kreme, folks will calm down, and I too will probably head for the hot neon sign. Aurora Donuts has a 31 Flavors inside their store, forming an ice cream/doughnut combo. Maybe ice cream will somehow keep them rolling.

Do they have Krispy Kreme in Australia yet? If not, you can get a visual on these things by visiting this link. This is a promotional movie for their signature doughnut, the Original Glazed. I just found this on the company's website tonight and was struck by how close this comes to doughnut porn. Sadly, it works. I'm off for a late night check on the length of that line. Perhaps I’ll have a surprise for my wife when she wakes up in the morning: “Guess what weeeeeeeeee’ve got?”

Okay, Australia. Are you there?

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