THE MUMBLINGS OF ADAM VOITH
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EIGHT LEGGED MINIONS
Tuesday, Jun. 24, 2003 @ 10:55 am

There are gigantic creeping spiders living in my garage. You WOULD NOT believe these fuckers. I used to keep my scooter out there, but no more! Sits on the back patio now. I thought maybe I'd store luggage out there. No! Bedroom closet is safer! I may in fact have to discontinue TNI BOOKS as a company because this web-oppressed garage also serves as the warehouse, all the cardboard boxes hold many copies of various TNI WARES, and no doubt the eggs of these devil-creatures, too. I'm not sure I can handle the mini-heart failures that come when opening each new box, on my guard but still surprised and wet in the pants when some fist-sized fur-beast with eight legs jumps out onto my arm. Another leap to the floor and the little bastard wedges himself into some crevice in the concrete floor, confines himself to a wooden crease in the moulding of a wall, and is free from my weak smacks of a floppy old shoe or magazine.

They say that for every spider you see in your house, there are 20 more in the same room, hidden in the pockets of your wedding suit, crouching into the curling cover of Rick Moody's The Black Veil, dodging the movements of your eye like smart-alec kids in the 4th grade.

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